Windex

So I was feeling very ambitious today. My house was a mess. 

My room didn't have a floor, the kitchen was piled with dirty dishes, and I think there was more dirt on our floor than there was in our backyard. 

Then there was the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom. This is my least favorite place to clean. Therefore it never gets cleaned as often as it probably should....

Well, like I said, I was feeling ambitious today. 

I made the sink spotless, the shower sparkling and the toilet...well, I at least wiped it down so that it looked presentable and maybe got a few germs off of it....

And then I decided to get the Windex out and shine up the mirror. However, this is where my problem began...

I got the Windex out of the cupboard and aimed it at the mirror - prepared for war and squeezed the trigger. 

Nothing happened. 

I looked into the nozzle, twisted it a little, shook the bottle, and aimed once more. 

Again, nothing happened. I proceeded to rapidly squeeze the trigger about 50 times in succession, thinking that maybe that would bring about the spray that would dazzle my mirror. 

Still nothing. 

At this point I was getting frustrated. After another couple of minutes of pumping the trigger with no luck, I put away the Windex and admitted defeat. The mirror would have to wait until I wasn't to cheap to buy more Windex - or fix the nozzle. 

Well, as I was battling the stubborn bottle of Windex, I thought to myself how many times throughout my life I have been in a situation similar to that one. Where it's like no matter how much I squeeze the trigger or how much I tweak the nozzle, nothing happens. 

My efforts are futile. 

Sometimes we have situations in our life where no matter how hard we try, how much we press, we just can't get what we want. For some reason or another, God has another plan and His will is going to be done no matter how much we pump that trigger. 

Maybe you need to fix the nozzle on your plan and re-aline it to fit God's plan. 

Maybe you need to toss that bottle out and go buy a new one entirely.

Or maybe, just maybe, you need to keep pumping the trigger....because you never know, maybe it will spray with a little more perseverance........

"The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations...but the Lord's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken." ~ Psalm 33:10-11

Unbeatable Love

I just witnessed the most amazing display of love and courage that I have ever scene in my life.

Let me first explain something to you. 

I am selfish.

You all know I work in the hospital. And given this occupation, I see a lot of pain, suffering, and too often times, death. 

And perhaps that in itself has given me a morbid sense of reality. 

Every time a trauma comes through the doors of the ER, I wince. I see the frightened looks on the faces of the family members. 

And I can only think of one thought:

"I would rather be on that trauma bed than witnessing this as a mother, or sister, or friend." 

If someone has to die, I want it to be me. If I die, I win. But if I live, I must live through pain. I'll say it again, I am selfish.

Well, today I witnessed a simple, yet incredible, interaction.

I went to the ICU to take a chest x-ray of a gentleman, and when I pushed my machine into the room, I noticed two distraught women sobbing by the side of this gentleman's bed. His wife and daughter. 

When they glanced in my direction, they took their cue and stood trying to wipe the tears from their eyes. And as they did, I heard the daughter whisper to her father one simple, profoundly courageous statement. 

"Dad, if you need to go, GO. Don't worry about us." 

Wow. The most unselfish statement in the world. 

This woman, in an incredible show of love and courage, releases her father of his pain and takes it on herself. Rather than ask him to continue to live in pain so that she won't hurt, she frees him of that responsibility with one simple command: GO. 

How hard would that be? How hard would it be to tell one of the people you love the most that it is okay to leave you, knowing you may not see them again? 

I can only attempt to imagine the faith, love, and courage it would take to say that to someone I love. 

Naturally Beautiful

The other day I was looking through my photos at work, when a co-worker came up behind me and asked if I had taken them. The shot on the screen was one I took in the early morning of a spider’s web draped in dew and surrounded by fog, with the morning sun glistening off the dewdrops. Can you tell it’s one of my favorites? 

I replied and told him that yes I was indeed the photographer. He then asked me how I got the picture. I was a little confused. How? Well, I aimed the camera and pressed the shutter – what did he mean? 

No no, that’s not what he meant, he told me. He asked, “Did you spray it with water to get it like that? Did you have some artificial light to get that coloring?” He then proceeded to tell me about a photographer friend of his that carries those tools around with him to get those types of shots. 

I was flabbergasted. And slightly irritated, I have to admit. Why wouldn’t he just be patient and wait for the right subject? Why did that photographer feel he needed to alter something to suit his needs? Couldn’t he have gotten a lovely picture by leaving it the way it was? 

Maybe I am naïve, but I hate to mess with a natural subject to get a shot that I want. It is so much more rewarding – for me, at least - to get a beautiful picture in its natural state, even if I have to wait for it. 

No, I had not artificially altered the spider’s web to get the shot I wanted. God set it up for me, and I just pressed the shutter. It was perfect the way it was – naturally beautiful. 

Later, I found myself gazing at the shot once more and thinking back to my interaction with my co-worker, trying to dampen down the irritation I still felt, when something occurred to me. 

God is probably just as irritated with me a lot of the time. 

I am my biggest critic. 

I continually have to battle thoughts that tell me I am not pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough, generous enough, nice enough, compassionate enough…..the list goes on. 

However, when I stopped to think about it I realized that, like the spider web, I don’t need to alter a thing. 

God created me exactly the way I am – and no spray bottle or artificial light is going to make me any more perfect in the eyes of God.

Inside and out, he knows everything about me. He knows all my imperfections and, believe it or not, does not think they are imperfections at all.

Sometimes I think to myself, “God, why couldn’t you have made me this way?” or “Why can’t I do this as well as that person?” 

But when I fail to see the beauty in what He has already created, it is like that photographer who carries the spray bottle and light system around. Sure, he may be adding something to the picture – but if it’s not natural, what is the point? Isn’t there beauty in what is already in front of him?

God created all of us to be exactly who we are – with the talents and gifts that we have at this moment. Not more, not less. And what we have is amazing, if only we will allow ourselves to see it. 

Rather than becoming critical and seeing how we can improve on his creation, maybe we should start looking at what we have and see what kind of picture we can get with that. 

Leave the spray bottle at home. 

“Does a clay pot argue with it’s maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it worng!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ How terribly it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, ‘Why was I born?’ or if it said to its mother, ‘Why did you make me this way?’”

~ Isaiah 45 : 9-10

Trailer Anxiety

A few weeks ago my parents and I drove up to the Keweenaw Penninsula to take our horses to this competetive trail ride that my mum has been training for. From our house in the Eastern Upper Penninsula to where the ride was at was about a 6 hour drive. Now, if you own horses, you may know that that can be a bit of a haul when you're pulling a trailer.

After about two hours - if you're lucky - the horsers start to get anxious. My mum's horse, Reese, started pawing and doing circles, and my dad's horse, Zig started shuffling around a bit. So, when you've got two 1200 pound animals doing that in the rig you're pulling, you start to feel the motions.

It's almost as if they're wondering, "Are we there yet?" "Where are we going?" "Do you realize there are no windows in this thing and I can't see what the heck is going on?"

But of course the horses don't bail out - they don't really have a choice - instead, we try to calm them as much as we can and just keep going. We know what our destination is and we keep moving forward, even if they are a little anxious. After all, we know that when we get where we're going, they are going to enjoy it as much as we are.

When Reese first started dancing around in the trailer, I laughed a little, because I understand his anxiety.

I get so frustrated when I think about my future and where I want to go with my life, yet I cannot seem to figure out where God is taking me. There are no windows in the front of my trailer. I can see everything AS it goes past, and I can see what is behind me - but what's in front? Who knows.

Sometimes I get anxious with God and I just want to know our destination - "Just tell me where we're heading! Don't you realize I can't see what the heck is going on?" But God just tries to calm me down in the meantime as best as I will allow him to, and he aks for my trust.

He asks that I simply stay in the trailer and allow him to take me to our destination. Because he knows that I will enjoy it far more than if I were to bail out early. He keeps moving forward, and he wants me to move with Him.

So even though you may not see where you're going, try not to get anxious. Instead, realize that the driver you have is going to take you somewhere that will not disappoint you.

 

Stitches

I love to cook. 

This past March I went down to Farmington to visit with my grandparents for a week when I had some vacation time. So, naturally, I wanted to cook for them the entire time I was down there. 

One evening, I was fighting with some sweet potatoes that did not want to be chopped. As I pressed down to cut one in half, my ring finger got caught under the blade....and proceeded to bleed profusely. 

Now, I've gotten sliced many times, but this time, my finger bled for about 45 minutes. No joke. I had to change the makeshift-folded paper towel bandaid about four times because the blood soaked through. This was no normal slice and dice. This was a hard core, trip to the doctor, stitch job.

However, I hate going to the doctor. I work in a hospital, why would I want to go there during my vacation? So I never went. I never got stitches. I slapped a bandaid (a real one) on there and called it good. 

But you know what? It didn't heal. 

Sure, it closed up on the surface, but it was still discolored and painful. I've seen enough lacerations to know when something isn't healed underneath, and this certainly wasn't. 

After 5 weeks, it still wasn't healed. I thought about taking a knife and reopening it and getting stitches, but decided that was too much trouble. And I'm a chicken - could I really slice myself on purpose??

So once again, I simply dealt with the pain. I ignored it. Hoping that if I did so, it would go away. 

About a week ago, I was working on something, and somehow I slammed that finger....you know what? 

It still isn't completely healed.

I realized that sometimes, the pain we deal with in our life is like this. We need stitches, we need healing. But instead we just put a bandaid on it and pretend that if we ignore it, it will go away. 

But months go by, you think you're okay, and something happens. You get slammed, and you realize that you're not even close to being healed. 

If only you would have gotten stitches, you could have healing in your life. 

Sometimes, we have to take the knife out, reopen the wound, clean it out and get some stitches. Sometimes, the healing process is more painful than the initial injury. 

However, having the feeling of ultimate closure - complete healing in your life - is so much better than ignoring the pain and putting it aside. 

So what are you covering up? What are you ignoring? 

Hurt? Guilt? Resentment? Anger? Bitterness? 

Trying to cover it up with a bandaid, that only works for a short time. 

God is the only one who can heal you from the inside out. 

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."

~ Psalms 147:3